Let me just get it out there; I am SO GLAD Christmas 2013 is over.
Done. Finito. No more vomit-inducing music, red & green wrapping paper or a jolly, fat bearded man at every freaking turn. No more pretending to be merry & bright when I really want to be crying & drunk. I don’t know what it is about the holidays that force people to suppress their real feelings. Or actually, what is it about the holidays that make all the suppressed feelings of anger & loneliness & pain come to the surface? Maybe that’s why there is so much alcohol served during Christmas…or why
me people start binge drinking between Thanksgiving & New Years.
This was the first year in my twenty—it doesn’t matter really the specific amount of time. What matters is that this was the first Christmas EVER in my personal history that I was not with my parents. And on top of that, the first Christmas in Baby Bee’s life that he didn’t spend it with me. Then I spent Christmas day in pretty awful pain, all but ruined my boyfriend’s Christmas & ended the day in the Jack in the Box drive thru after spending 2 hours in the ER*^. Way to kick a girl while she’s down, LIFE. Ok, I’m not gonna lie, the Jack in the Box thing was pretty cute because I had C next to me. And it was a damn good chicken sammich & don’t even get me started on their curly fries! <droooooool>
But seriously, C saved my life. Not just because he half forced me to the hospital, but because he stayed by my side & kept up a steady stream of Pinot Grigio & Angry Orchard. And when that didn’t seem to work, I got a big arm around me & a kiss on my forehead.
Ok who the hell is that girl up there!?! A happy Mama Bee that’s who. Despite a less than “ideal” Christmas (whatever THAT means), I am SO thankful that I had that amazing bearded man by my side the entire time. Neither one of us particularly enjoy the holiday, so I’m glad we had each other. Even though my family was apart, they made sure Baby Bee & I had presents under the tree & love in our hearts. And when Baby Bee comes back in the New Year, we are going to have our OWN fantastic, nausea inducing, Pinterest-worthy Christmas next to my tiny & pitiful tree.(see above image)
And if not…eh f— it. Baby Bee is 2, he’s not gonna remember this. Christmas is supposed to be about joy, love, peace & family. Not about the pain of the past, or feelings of inadequacy or bitterness of not nailing that PERFECT Christmas tree look. Despite knowing this, & achieving it (for the most part), I’m still really relieved it’s the 26th. Christmas is OVER! <cue angels singing>
I’ve given up on expecting a glitzy & fun NYE, so the letdowns of 2013 are over. 2014 holds a lot of promise so I’m gonna focus on that. And that beautiful bottle of Riesling in C’s fridge…
*Ok I was informed that Emergency Rooms are now Emergency Departments. Whatevs.^Also, don’t panic I’m fine. A pretty nasty bladder infection. Nothing that antibiotics and some Vicodin can’t fix!