Mulligan

So, if I know nothing else, I at least know myself. Yesterday (January 2) I failed all THREE of my publicly announced resolutions. What’d I say, 24 hours? I called that shit.

Baby Bee and I were delayed for three hours as we tried to make our way back to the West Coast, in possibly the worst airport in the damn country. This airport has very little options in nourishment, so I spent a crazy amount of money I don’t have to try & feed the babe and myself. I tried my hardest to stick with GF, but I gorged on BB’s goldfish crackers and those awful good Ritz Bitz crackers they hand out on long flights. Sure, with 5 hours of flight time & 3 hours of waiting time I had the time to write, but was trying to keep a very tired & bored toddler from a) running away b) causing a nasty pileup in the hallway or c) having a nuclear meltdown. Not easy ever but even harder when you want to just sit there next to him & wail in frustration & exhaustion. (I never thought it was fair adults are expected to keep their shit together when they are faced with WAY more infuriating circumstances. But I digress)

Which leads us to resolution número tres that I broke…being a calm & peaceful parent. While I didn’t completely go berserk on Baby Bee (I understood everything he was feeling yesterday so it was easier to be sympathetic), I could hear that familiar exasperated edge creep into my voice & feel my face morph into something ugly & mean. Luckily, most times I could quickly switch back to Calm Mama Bee, but there was a lot do switching back and forth. I was like Jekyll & Hyde. But in a rare quiet moment I observed several other people (some parents and some not) struggling or succumbing to the same feelings I was dealing with. There is only so much calmness and empathy one can feel when your plane has been delayed for the third hour in a row, you’re running out of diapers and your traveling companion refuses to eat or sleep & doesn’t understand what’s going on. I felt like standing on a chair, raising my fist and shouting “all you mamas out there, UNITE!!!” But I didn’t because I couldn’t find a chair and was afraid of getting arrested. So I settled for sympathetic smiles and weary laughs with passing parents. A quiet revolution.

All things considered, I’d like to think I didn’t do so damn bad. Technically all my resolutions were broken, swiftly, but my circumstances were pretty extreme (although could have been a lot worse). I’ll just declare Thursday, January 2, 2014 a mulligan and start over today. As I eat a piece of peanut butter toast. Crap….
2 outta 3 ain’t bad right?

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