Go the F to Sleep!!!!!

I don’t know what in God’s green earth my dear son has against sleeping, but his utter REFUSAL to go to bed without all out warfare is wearing me down. For nearly three years we have had an intense battle of wills at every naptime and bedtime. I am exhausted. I am angry. I am sad. I am utterly defeated. I have no f—ing idea what I’m doing wrong, what I’m doing right, or what I should be doing. I’ve tried literally EVERY sleep “method” out there (even the dreaded CIO), and none work. None.
I have been sitting in his room for almost two hours waiting for this little twerp to fall asleep so I can sneak out. If I even think about getting up, he starts sobbing hysterically in such heartbreaking sincerity, I last only about 10 minutes before going back in to soothe him. I don’t know if he’s scared I’ll disappear while he sleeps (which could explain the incessant night waking), or if he’s totally playing me, but it’s getting old. I have chores to do, things to get ready, and my own sleeping that needs to be done. Not to mention C is sitting on the couch bored as hell, wondering if I’m ever going to make it out alive.

I’m out of ideas. I stick to a routine, that has changed very little since his infancy. I give him plenty of warning before transitions. I use essential oils. I read to him. We rock (if he wants it). I sing lullabies. I rub his back. I reassure him that mommy will be here if he wakes up. He has a night light. WHAT AM I MISSING HERE!?!?! Is there a vital ingredient that I am somehow missing? Did they give a class on how to get your kids to sleep that I wasn’t aware of!? Am I just a complete failure? I don’t know. All I know is that we need sleep and fast. Three years of very little sleep is b r e a k i n g me down.

But I would like to mention that I remained very calm tonight and there was NO yelling (just a slight raise in my volume, once). So…yay me

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