A Living Nightmare

It was three years in August that I left the Drone. 3 years this month that the custody hell started. And yet…it hasn’t stopped. I’m still living with near constant dread/fear/anxiety that my precious child will be ripped from my arms and tossed into a pit of confusion and fear. I thought maybe things were calming down….The Drone has missed his last TWO visitations due to “health issues” that I obviously don’t believe or care about, and has had very minimal contact with me, and zero with Baby Bee over the past 6 months. But then…but then.

I should have known not to get to comfortable. I should have remembered he always sucker punches me when things are going good.

He assumed that since he was “in the hospital” during the time we were supposed to meet  last week to drop off Baby Bee, he could just waltz right in after Halloween and get him. Um no. You missed your visitation for the second time in a row. You don’t get to pick him up whenever it strikes your fancy and expect us to drop everything on a whim and go with it. It doesn’t work that way anymore. So since I disagreed, I’m now suffering the consequences. I got a phone call tonight at 11 o’clock from the Sheriff’s Office saying that The Drone was there requesting a deputy go with him to pick up Baby Bee, and did I think that was necessary? If so, they’d be there in about 20 minutes (to give me time to wake up and get Baby Bee ready to go.).


You want me to yank my 3 year old out of bed at 1130pm to go with a man he hasn’t seen in over six months!? “Sorry baby, I love you but you have to go with this stranger & his police officer friend in the middle of the night now. I know you wanted to go to school tomorrow and trick or treat with Mommy and C on Halloween….but Daddy wants you across the country now. Hope you understand.”

I freaked. I asked the cop if he was aware that The Drone had missed his last two visitations. He was not. All he saw was the parenting plan saying October visitation. I asked if he realized how traumatizing it would be for my son to be woken up in the middle of the night with his suitcase packed and then handed off to someone he barely knows. He told me he didn’t think it would be “overly traumatizing” at his age. And if it had been six months since he saw his father, I should (and I quote) “make this happen, then.”

I was literally, speechless. Lost for words. How fucking dare you. Like it was MY fault he couldn’t get his priorities straight and get on a plane to pick up “his” son? Like it’s MY fault he never calls or writes Baby Bee?!

Thankfully, C grabbed my phone and talked to the cop and basically told him no way is this happening without a court order. We will not hand Baby Bee over tonight, or tomorrow, or anytime unless there is a court document or we have talked to an attorney or judge. Thank God for that man.

So far they haven’t shown up. It’s now a quarter after one and I haven’t heard anything. I’ve been up researching, shaking, stressing, and sneaking peeks at my beautiful sleeping boy. It’s like a nightmare that never ends. It’s like I’m always on the brink of losing my child.  It’s a constant struggle to stay sane. To stay calm and on the right side of the law. When my every instinct goes AGAINST what the court system is telling me I have to do….it makes me wonder. How are the courts even protecting Baby Bee? How are they protecting my precious niece? Or the THOUSANDS of other children in this country in far worse situations than my own child? Yes parents have rights. But some shouldn’t. And the CHILD’S RIGHTS should matter more than anyone else’s. But more often then not, they are ignored. They are overlooked or belittled. All in the name of “justice.”

I have a feeling that round 4 of my custody hell is right around the corner….