Meditation and ADD

I have recently started to slowly, tentatively get back into my mediation and yoga practice. It’s something I’ve missed for years and I finally got tired of making excuses. I spent a little extra money to buy a few things to help the process and set up a small area in our bedroom. I don’t do it every night, but am trying to establish it into my routine. It’s been great physically and mentally and has already taught be something about myself:

I suck at meditating. 

My brain is not quiet. Even when it wants to be, my hyperactive brain waves never cease. So I decided to not EMPTY my mind, but to acknowledge each thought that comes up, then dismiss it. Good Lord, do you know how EXHAUSTING that is?!?! Here is just an excerpt of my mind during meditation.

  
“Inhale. Exhale. Be still. Man my shoulders are super stiff. I feel crooked. Omg am I crooked!? I probably look like a witch from a fairytale I’m so crooked. Oh damn…Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still. It’s hot as shit in here. I hope the incense doesn’t make the fire alarm go off. You’re supposed to be focusing! 

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Be still. That means quit fidgeting. Pretend you don’t itch. Oh my God why does everything itch all at once! Now my hand is asleep. How can my hand be asleep when I’m sitting up right!? Carpal tunnel, dammit all. I have to call the doctor. That’s gonna be expensive. Shit, I need to pay my student loan. The other one will have to wait until payday. Did I pay my credit card? I have GOT to get some sort of budget scheduled so I don’t forget. Crap. I’m supposed to be meditating.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

I wonder when my prayer beads are going to be delivered? I bet those will help me so much! I’ll be a zen master in no time!

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

I’m doing it! My mind is so still! Nothing in it but my mantra! Oh. Damn.

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale. Exhale.

I’m bored. It’s hot. I suck at this. C probably thinks I’m crazy. Shut up! Just do it!

Inhale. Exhale. Be still.

Inhale, fuck it I quit.

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