I ADORE this photo I took a few weeks ago. We had had a long day at school & I promised Baby Bee a smoothie popsicle when we got home. He asked me so sweetly to sit in the kitchen with him while he ate it, so I ignored my huge list of shit to do, and sat on the kitchen floor with him. As he’s buzzing around the kitchen, chattering incessantly, I keep noticing all the crumbs and dirt that need to be cleaned up. Just as I’m about to get up and start getting to work, he slides in next to me, lays down on the not so clean floor, and rests his head on my legs. There he laid until his popsicle was finished, talking about his day & absolutely content. And there I stayed, marveling at how much he’s grown up and savoring the rare, snuggly moment. As he gets older and busier, the times he needs physical connection and reassurance lessen. Which is a blessing yes, but also can leave me feeling quite lonely. I hope he always knows that I will be his home base, his safe place, no matter how old he is.
I’m going to try something new.
As you probably know, my Baby Bee is growing up way too frickin’ fast. As in….he’ll be a KINDERGARTNER IN A MONTH! I’m struggling with this (obviously) but think I have found a way to help me cope. A photography project. I’ve always had fun playing around with taking photos, and have been told I have a natural eye for good angles & lighting. I’ve never taken courses or even considered myself a photographer, but it’s something I love doing. My parents just recently sent me a bad ass Nikon to replace the one that broke…oh, 7 or so years ago, and I’ve had a blast learning it and experimenting. Of course my favorite subject is my boy, and the Fat Cat. This gave me the idea of the Five Project. I will be snapping photos of Baby Bee’s fifth year of life, and sharing on here. Five is a big year, and I feel big things are going to happen for us this year. It is the end of his “toddlerhood” and the beginning of the “school-age years” and I need a way to capture this transition.
All of his other major transitions happened in a really dark time of my life thick with grief, anger, and extreme sleep deprivation. As a result, I remember very little of his first two and half years. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want to be present and active and in the middle, seeing everything he’s becoming. So I will share an image or two, here on a regular basis, to document his journey to becoming a big boy. Five year olds are odd, magical creatures; on the brink of greatness, but not willing to let go of their babyhood securities. He’s only been five for two months, and it’s been quite a trip already!
The photographs aren’t going to be perfect, magazine quality. I probably will edit very little, if at all. But the images will convey a certain moment, or emotion that I felt needed to be captured at that exact moment. I want this project to represent him and his journey from being a BABY to a BOY. So here we go:
I snapped these on his first night back from visitation with the Drone. I love watching his imagination grow, and his pretend play get more intricate and detailed. He’s a very serious and focused player. He plays to process his life: always airplanes especially immediately after or before a trip. If we see an accident on the way home from school, he pulls out the toy ambulances and police cars and sets up an “emergency.” He’s so very aware of the world around him. And that cowlick in the top photo slays me, every.single.time. I pray he never loses it.