Describe your family dynamic of your childhood verses your family dynamic now.
Hmmm….well now this is interesting. The four of us have always been very close, but I feel that we are closer now that my brother and I are adults, out of the house, and have children of our own. We can look back now, as parents ourselves, and see “oh yeah that’s why Mom & Dad did/said that.” A lot of things that irritated me or didn’t make sense as a child now absolutely make sense as a parent. I have told my parents many times in the past 6 years, I understand everything now. I get it.
I think on the opposite side of that, my parents can now look at us as adults (and for the most part fairly successful adults) and realize that the hard work is done, they can step back and allow us to make our own decisions. Obviously, they are always there for guidance and advice if needed, but it’s usually us coming to them, instead of them telling us what should be done. They recognize us for our own people, who do things in vastly different ways. While that sometimes irritates the shit out of them, or confuses them, my parents have perfected the art of sitting back and watching us figure out life for ourselves.
I like the dynamic my family has now. I feel comfortable in being my true self around them, instead of like I have to be squeezed into a mold of what a daughter should be. I swear ( a lot), I have tattoos (8), and piercings and I drink a touch. While I know my father wishes I wouldn’t do or have any of that, he has accepted that I am a grown ass woman (most of the time) with a life & family of my own. I own who I am, and the values instilled in me from my family during childhood. My brother and I will always respect, admire and love our parents, but their role is now more of the backseat driver rather than the chauffeur of our lives. The don’t drive us where they want us to go, but rather gently suggest our next turn while we act as the chauffeurs to our children. I’m not sure I’m explaining that in a way that makes sense to anyone other than me. But basically….I think my brother and I have more common ground with our parents now, therefore a more peaceful and understanding relationship. They know that we had to do some dumb shit to get to the successful places we are now, and we know that they had to be hard on us at times to prevent us from being delinquents. The view of your childhood changes drastically when you become a parent. Things make so much more sense to you, and the respect for your parents increases a hundredfold (if you are lucky enough to have great parents like I am….I imagine a bad childhood would invoke different feelings upon reaching parenthood).
The thing is: I love my family. Then and now. I will always strive to make my daddy proud, and Mama will always know whats on my mind before I even have to say it. My brother and I will pick and poke and tease each other until someone gets pissed. And then we’ll hug and make up. Somethings time can never change. And I’m okay with that.